THE WHY

The Challenge

My first year teaching internationally was not a pleasant one. I was hired as a school-wide coordinator for student services grades Pre K- 12. My job that year would be to tear down and rebuild a divided learning support department that was already divided as a team, and create protocols and processes for learning support in a system with antiquated views of inclusion. 

The Climb

I remember being so excited when I was offered the position. For me, it was the job of a lifetime. It was what I had prepared for my entire life; however, when I arrived, I was met with coldness, micro-aggressions and opposition. I was the face of change. It quickly became apparent that this school culture was void of diversity and inclusion in every way.

I tried to use every tool I knew to bring a team environment and knowledge of systems to the school, but no matter how hard I tried, the system the school had created pushed back harder. Years of working with inexperienced and apathetic leadership had create a culture of distrust and complacency.  The faculty had grown comfortable in what had always been and a refusal to accept growth and bold ideas had stifled this wonderful school from becoming the glorious inclusive school that it could be. Even with dynamic new leadership, the faculty pushed hard to stay stuck. I was heartbroken. 

It wasn't just the idea of change that had this school unable to accept the way the tide was turning, the administrators who had been there, and who were also used to the ways things were, found themselves stuck in a flawed system. They too were not fully onboard with change and while they did not outright push back, they did not encourage the staff to move forward in the direction that the new director and his new bold team wanted to go. This made my job considerably more difficult.  

The Hurt 

I tried for a year to create protocols and create a system of inclusion with no success. After 20 plus years of leading programs and creating successful inclusive environments, this school had burned me out in one year.  I felt like I was fighting teachers, administrators and my own team over best practices and protocols. After feeling like I could not get off the hamster wheel, the constant pressure of stress and work with no outcome, coupled with a personal death in the family, emboldened my decision to leave... this decision was one of the hardest I have ever had to make. Was I really giving up on my professional passion of inclusive design and my commitment to creating equity for students?  It was the first time in my professional career that I could not do what I had been known to do so well and had done so successfully before.  I felt like a failure and this took a toll on me in the year that followed. 

The Lesson

As the old adage goes, "hindsight is 20/20". Sometimes it takes a person to come out of an environment to see what could have been done better. Once I had come out of the muck, and I was able to reflect, I knew there were many things I could have done better. 

I learned that sometimes baby steps are still steps forward. Rome was not built in one day and neither are learning support programs.  I learned that speaking with individuals vs. teams helps to improve a personal relationship and dynamic with others that can also build a better team when it is time to come together and do the work. I learned that there will always be those folks that refuse to change, and eventually they weed themselves out. My impatience and ego was my downfall. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would make progress slow and steady. 

Although, I have given myself grace for leaving it was a long time before I could trust myself and those that I worked with; however, knowledge happens through growth and introspection. We learn through experiences whether good or bad. I have learned to become even better at my craft. I have learned to create better inclusive programs, I have learned how to bring teams together and how build sustainable inclusive environments that are accepted and encourage by entire school ecosystems. 

The AHA Moment!

"Simba... remember who you are"... Just like in the Lion King when Simba forgot his why, and he was reminded of his greatness, I too remembered my why and that learning support is my wheelhouse! It is what I was born to do !  What I experienced did not dim my light, instead it ignited a spark to do something much greater. To use what I experienced and make systems better.  I thought to myself "two heads are better than one", and with that thought I began to meet with professionals who are experts in their field. Together, we began to think of ways to include all services to support schools through consultation, professional development and toolkits. We wanted to create a one stop shop in helping to create inclusive, equitable, and excellent schools. 

Everyone involved would agree that the work is messier and more complex than can be communicated in this brief overview. However, one central leadership commitment is clear in all of these rapidly transitioning school systems: When diversity and inclusion comes to town, we are all challenged to grow.